Single women vs women in relationships: it is so on!

Posted on September 17, 2011


Is there a war between women in relationships and their single gal pals?

The term war might be a little exaggerated but the word disconnect, is a snug fit.

Single-hood years, the awkward times between puberty and 18 and then briefly in 2006, 2007 and 09. The times you think you are better than your friends who were in their so called “perfect” relationship. Free to go anywhere without being controlled, no worrying about the gifts and presents that required months of saving up, the long phone bills, the giddiness and let’s not forget, the constant emotional high’s and low’s.

A metaphoric willy the whale.

From my friends point of view they were complete, they had a “man” who would buy them flowers and chocolates on Valentine’s Day, gave them cute teddy bears, love letters, took them out on dinners and gave them some good ol’ lovin. To them the single gals were a pathetic excuse of a woman, loners who often tagged along to couple’s night at some club and the obvious third wheel.

Lets not forget, the humiliation of being fixed up by your friend to her boyfriend’s friend, who thinks it is alright to ask you personal questions about your ex. Yes! Worse has happened.

Lets be honest, don’t we judge our friends in relationships, viewing them as self-centered, often accusing them of changing their priorities, and allowing themselves to be bullied into doing their boyfriend’s wanted. And then there was those who’d change their entire personality to be with someone.

But, even before we know it, you start playing for the other team. Falling in “love”, running around trees, and staring hopelessly into each other’s eyes. The days when everything was picture perfect like a Disney cartoon. You’d embody the essence of being a woman, or Belle or Ariel. All happy, giggly and eventually becoming one of ‘those’ women who couldn’t stop talking about their new found bliss. Doing the exact same things you resented about being in a relationship.

Then, a year and a half later you are back to the single girl’s team and hated those suckers and their rub-it-in-your-face fairytale life. Back on a familiar turf,  you deal with the post-relationship drama, oh the heart-break, the “I will never fall in love” statements, the tears, the sporadic scribbling on journals and let’s not forget the self-pity.

This emotional rollercoaster of being single and then in a relationship is sometimes too much to handle.

The wide rift is like the north of Sweden to Southern India, extreme cold and unbearable heat. Why can’t there be a comfortable city in between, where the warmth is just right and the cold is cozy.

During my single-dom I realized that there is such a haven. Where you can have your cake and eat it too, it’s called flings or the ever so judgmental casual trysts. This is where the ball in our court and we can play the game according to our rules, no foul no point break.

But the stigma that comes attached with the latter, like minded people will call it harmless fun, while the others sitting on their high horse will label you, if not with words then with their raised eyebrow. Your single girlfriends understand and cheer you on, while the ones in a relationship will ask you questions like “how does that make you feel about yourself” and other guilt loaded questions.

So now, here’s the dilemma, you get screwed for being in a relationship and even for when you are not! I am drained; I have given it 7 years and an insane amount of thinking.

I have given up trying to figure out the physics of relationships. However, I have come to realize that the multifaceted puzzle is us, women folk. Forget men being from mars, it is we who hail from some alternative galaxy. We are a breed that is undeniably complex and it takes one to know one. Many have gone down the tremulous path of discovering our mindset and they are yet to return with a reasonable explanation.

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